The Funny Side of health care, page 4
Humor in health care
It’s good to laugh and it’s good to share your funny stories about health care.
Redneck Definition of Medical Terms
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology.
Medical Term – Redneck Definition
Artery – The study of paintings
Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria
Barium – What doctors do when patients die
Benign – What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section – A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan – Searching for Kitty
Cauterize – Made eye contact with her
Colic – A sheep dog
Coma – A punctuation mark
Dilate – To live long
Enema – Not a friend
Fester – Quicker than someone else
Fibula – A small lie
Impotent – Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane
Morbid – A higher offer
Nitrates – Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node – I knew it
Outpatient – A person who has fainted
Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative – A letter carrier
Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery
Rectum – Nearly killed him
Secretion – Hiding something
Seizure – Roman Emperor
Tablet – A small table
Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport
Tumor – One plus one more
Urine – Opposite of you’re out
Watch some funny videos
Hey thats a very easy way to heal one self and to start a fresh beginning. I usually watch some funny hindi videos. To have a good laugh is not easy one must feel free to talk about how he feels and also if watching funny videos helps than why not?
There is more to health than just the physical body. There is also emotional and spiritual health. Here is something I found back in the 60’s:
God is my Father
Nature is my Mother
The Universe is my way
Eternity is my kingdom
Immortality is my life
The mind is my house
Truth be my worship
Love is my law
Form is my manifestation
Conscience is my guide
Peace my shelter
Experience is my school
Obstacle is my lesson
Difficulty is my stimulate
Joy is my hymn
Pain is my warning
Work is my blessing
Light is my realization
Friend is my companion
Adversary is my instructor
Neighbor is my brother
Struggle is my opportunity
Future time is my promise
Equilibrium is my attitude
Order is my path
Beauty is my ideal
Perfection is my Destiny
Kevin had shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this! Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here’s what happened to Kevin:
Kevin walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Kevin what he had….
Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ‘Shingles..’ So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’
Kevin said, ‘Outside on the truck.
Where do you want me to unload ’em??’
Will You Live To See 80?
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I
am over 60). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’
‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
Then she asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
‘I said, ‘Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said.
She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’
‘No,’ I said…
She looked at me and said, ‘Then why do you even give a shit?’
Learning from a pro
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”
The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”
As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman? How’d you come to the diagnosis so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.”
The younger doctor said “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”
“You’ve probably been doing too much for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”
As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she’s very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?”
I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed.
Since you’re dead
My exgirlfriend died, i sent all the papers to her bill collectors and the child support office.child support sent a letter back to her saying since you’re dead you no longer owe child support…i wish I would have kept the letter.
As a student nurse my second day on a male ward. The registered nurse comes out of a side room – having dealt with a male patient – tall, buff – uber macho police man. She looks and says to me – “I don’t know what toys he shoves up there – but he has an arse like a baboon…. ” A little black humour goes a long way on the wards. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to be but could not keep a straight face. I near wet myself at the time.
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