The Funny Side of health care, page 4

Humor in health care

It’s good to laugh and it’s good to share your funny stories about health care.

Redneck Definition of Medical Terms
Date: 7/15/2013
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology.

Medical Term – Redneck Definition

Artery – The study of paintings

Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria

Barium – What doctors do when patients die

Benign – What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section – A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan – Searching for Kitty

Cauterize – Made eye contact with her

Colic – A sheep dog

Coma – A punctuation mark

Dilate – To live long

Enema – Not a friend

Fester – Quicker than someone else

Fibula – A small lie

Impotent – Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane

Morbid – A higher offer

Nitrates – Rates of Pay for Working at Night,

Normally more money than Days

Node – I knew it

Outpatient – A person who has fainted

Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative – A letter carrier

Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery

Rectum – Nearly killed him

Secretion – Hiding something

Seizure – Roman Emperor

Tablet – A small table

Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport

Tumor – One plus one more

Urine – Opposite of you’re out


Watch some funny videos
Date: 7/23/2013
Hey thats a very easy way to heal one self and to start a fresh beginning. I usually watch some funny hindi videos. To have a good laugh is not easy one must feel free to talk about how he feels and also if watching funny videos helps than why not?


Spiritual health
Date: 1/2/2014
There is more to health than just the physical body. There is also emotional and spiritual health. Here is something I found back in the 60’s:

God is my Father

Nature is my Mother

The Universe is my way

Eternity is my kingdom

Immortality is my life

The mind is my house

Truth be my worship

Love is my law

Form is my manifestation

Conscience is my guide

Peace my shelter

Experience is my school

Obstacle is my lesson

Difficulty is my stimulate

Joy is my hymn

Pain is my warning

Work is my blessing

Light is my realization

Friend is my companion

Adversary is my instructor

Neighbor is my brother

Struggle is my opportunity

Future time is my promise

Equilibrium is my attitude

Order is my path

Beauty is my ideal

Perfection is my Destiny

Author unknown

Kevin had shingles
Date: 1/23/2014
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this! Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?

Here’s what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Kevin what he had….
Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ‘Shingles..’ So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’

Kevin said, ‘Outside on the truck.

Where do you want me to unload ’em??’


Will You Live To See 80?
Date: 1/11/2015
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I
am over 60). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’

She asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’

‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

Then she asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’

‘I said, ‘Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’

‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

She asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

‘No,’ I said…

She looked at me and said, ‘Then why do you even give a shit?’


Learning from a pro
Date: 2/8/2015
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman? How’d you come to the diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she’s very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?”

I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed.


Since you’re dead
Date: 10/16/2016
My exgirlfriend died, i sent all the papers to her bill collectors and the child support office.child support sent a letter back to her saying since you’re dead you no longer owe child support…i wish I would have kept the letter.


Male patient
Date: 10/30/2016
As a student nurse my second day on a male ward. The registered nurse comes out of a side room – having dealt with a male patient – tall, buff – uber macho police man. She looks and says to me – “I don’t know what toys he shoves up there – but he has an arse like a baboon…. ” A little black humour goes a long way on the wards. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to be but could not keep a straight face. I near wet myself at the time.


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